heard and answered

I was driven to my knees today.

Because I lost my iPod.

A little petty?

I know.

In truth I was desperate. I could live without the iPod-proper, for sure (maybe). But there are many precious things inside it that I just can’t loose. Not before I transfer them to something else, that is. Whatever the reason for the desperation - I had done everything I could do.

I knew where I had had it last. In the car. I remembered it dying on me Sunday in Relief Society. I remembered plugging it into my charger in the car. I remember getting out of the car after the hail incident and the cord being wrapped around my leg. After that ... I was a blank.

Despite my last recollection of it being in the car - I still searched my home. I tore it apart. I pulled out furniture. I emptied drawers and cabinets and bags. I sifted through papers. I went through my purse (which, Sunday, would have been my church bag) with a fine-toothed comb - carefully going through every bit and every nook and every cranny. I went through my inspiration journal page by page. I hunted through the laundry hampers and cleaned off bookshelves. I called Brian - repeatedly - and asked him to thoroughly pick apart the car. I searched our yard.

Nothing.

Finally, I made my way back to my bedroom. I heard a familiar pitter-patter stampeding behind me, and I rolled my eyes ... blood pressure seemingly going through the roof. Was it possible that he could annoy me any more before it was even lunch time?

He lingered by our pantry (so he could drop all my canned goods on his feet, I was sure) ... and I knelt by my bed, and began my prayer. 

And my eyes welled up and spilled over with tears.

I prayed to my Heavenly Father about so many things. I asked Him for patience to conquer the demons of my day. My week. My life. I asked Him for help with Ammon - because he and I have hit a major road block. I asked for the strength to be a better wife - because I’m not. I asked to be a better homemaker - because I fail in so many aspects. I asked for the courage to face this next year. I asked for the guidance that I need right now. In truth, I asked for help.

As an afterthought, I asked for help to find my iPod. I remember chuckling to myself that I almost forgot about it - because it was the thing that had brought me to pray, in the first place. And now - it was the last thing from my mind. In the end, I didn’t want to stop. I knelt there - not closing my prayer - knowing that there were so many unsaid things in my heart.

But I did. And as I opened my eyes, I saw the little bundle kneeling beside me. I hadn’t heard him come in. I noticed how grown up he looks since his last haircut on Sunday. I remembered all the things that he is doing right now - all about pretending. I thought of all the things I should be doing with him. I reflected on how many times I had yelled at him already that day, and my heart broke.

I scooped him up and we both laid down on my bed. He, of course, began pretending he was a contestant on Wipeout - Big Balls and Sweeper-Arms and all that. Then he was a Monster Truck driver (probably George ... because, yes, he does know the drivers names) and flipped and wheelie-ed and crashed - Free Style, of course. Somewhere along the line he stopped using me for all these obstacles, and we started singing. And dancing. ABC and Bushel and a Peck and Popcorn Popping and Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes and more I can’t remember. We jumped off the bed around 57 times - each time counting to 15 first, because that’s what Ammon can do all on his own. We stretched up high and pretended to touch the ceiling. Out the window, we watched a squirrel find a snack. We laughed.

And still, where the hour went - I’ll never know.

I got Ammon settled with his lunch - and my mind wandered to that iPod again. I decided to call my mother-in-law and have her search her trash. I had left my phone in my office earlier, by my inspiration journal. I went in to get the phone - and yet there it was.

Sticking out of my journal, like it had been there all along. Though it hadn’t been.

I don’t know why I went through what I did today. I am callous enough to admit that it took ‘loosing my iPod’ to drive me to my knees. But I am humble enough to admit that it wasn’t why I needed to pray today.

But that’s what it took. And so I am grateful.

I won a hard lesson today. A reminder that I should and need to rely on my Father in Heaven. And that He will help me. He did today. In truth - He always has. All I need do, is ask for it. My prayers were answered today. Even the ones I didn’t know I had - and the ones I didn’t realize I needed to say. And I feel peace in my heart. For that - it was all worth it.

I’m thankful to have had that extra boost of patience today when Ammon found my point-and-shoot camera and insisted on taking a picture of each of his Monster Trucks. Please note that he has 39 of them (because I counted). Turning each one around to get just the right angle. Saying things like, “That’s better” and “That’s good” and “Pigfit” (perfect). And even though I had a million other things to do - all I could do was smile at him as he sat on my lap. And I said a prayer to my Heavenly Father - again thanking Him for all He gave me today.

Not only for the patience. Not only for the iPod. But for helping me open my eyes and my heart. For the fact that I could enjoy today. Silver linings and all that.