finding my place

Thoughts have been piling up in the back of my mind for some time now. Wonderings and musings. I’ve been reading loved ones’ blogs and have been astonished that I am reading about similar topics. Answers to prayers? Perhaps. More important, though, is that they have given me the motivation to address these feelings that have plagued me for so long.

My aspiration to have a family and raise it in righteousness has always been the strongest desire I have ever had for my life. I have faced a multitude of opposition over the years for the choices that I have made – the choices that I made, though others may feel differently, were and are right for me. Even though I know that I have taken the right path (though I found it earlier than I ever intended to), I still wonder if I am in the right place – if I am doing the right things. While I enjoy being at home, I have not felt that I have accomplished anything. I have not felt that there was a special purpose for me.

Today, while I was watching Ammon play – taking a moment to wipe some drool, dig earwax out of an ear, pull some mysterious something from a leg crease, and dangle a toy until my arm fell asleep – I had a realization. A realization that the seemingly miniscule tasks that seem to take all my energy are important. That I am important to at least two people – who are so very important to me.

I have never felt more surely than now my purpose in the world. Each of us arrives here with the opportunity to shape ourselves, to grow and learn, to overcome opposition, and hopefully to leave some evidence behind of a well lived life. My sweet family is my gift of purpose.

Pondering once more the question, "Am I doing the right thing(s)?” – No, I am not doing what I thought years ago I would be doing at this point in my life, but I have gone farther than I ever thought I would go in a lifetime. I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up exactly where I am intended to be.

Where is my place? Still don’t quite know… but I see a glimpse of it in my son's smile. You, Ammon, are the mark I will leave on the world.

before ammon was, there were...

I’ve wanted to do this for a while now. Now to be completely honest… these photos have been staring at me from my work space for a month or so. I thought that now was as good a time as any to get them scanned and put away. Item 1 of 743 officially checked off my to-do list.

The more Ammon grows, the more unsure I get about who he looks like. He changes from day to day – one minute he looks like his dad, but then he looks at me just the right way and I see myself. I’ve done several of those online look-a-like meter thingamajigs… with fairly obvious results depending on the pictures used. And really, I want to know what real people think.

Before Ammon was, there were, well… us. So mull over these photographs of yesteryear… and let us hear your thoughts.

orlando… where no one mourns the wicked

home again, home again

Last night we got back from our last trip to Orlando – for a little bit, anyway. “A tad early, isn’t it?”, some of you may ask. Read on for details. Our trip didn’t officially begin until Friday; however, our journey started Thursday. That’s where we’ll begin…

THURSDAY:

Ugh. It hadn’t been a good week. Nothing went well. Everything exploded right in front of my eyes. All of which, put me in a terrible mood. The trip coming up that weekend was one that I had been looking forward to for a year – and the whole week was a nightmare. You see, there is this musical that I had been dying to see – and this would be the weekend that would end my wait (this was the main reason for our season tickets and our girlie-flings) and would make a dream come true. I was furious that the week had been what it was – and I was fearful that I wouldn’t enjoy our trip. I arose Thursday morning with new resolve. New resolve to force the remainder of the week to be better. The day was looking hopeful; the weekend seemed to be a bright ray of sunshine.

And then the phone rang. Brian was calling to break the bad news that he had a mandatory order to work on Saturday. You see, Brian was my babysitter so that I could even go to the aforementioned show. He was our driver and travel buddy on the road. Apart from all this, we just enjoy his company and were really looking forward to some family time. I hung up the phone and the world came crashing down again. I burst into tears – not knowing what I was going to do. I had finally decided, against my will, that I might just have to stay home – but was still hopeful that something could be worked out. I called my mom, and a marathon-phone-day began between her, me, my aunt, my cousin and everyone else you could imagine. We finally found someone to watch Ammon Saturday night, and worked out our changed itinerary for the weekend.

I felt better, but was still steaming hot. My friend, Kira, and I had manicure and pedicure appointments that afternoon. I was glad, too – I was optimistic that this would help perk my spirits. And it did – Brian’s mom watched Ammon so that I could enjoy myself in peace – and it was good to have some nice, adult, conversation.

That evening, after Brian and I picked up Ammon, I put aside the urgent need to pack and spent some time with Brian. My heart began to beat faster and faster, and I started to get more and more restless. Since I was pregnant with Ammon, I have been very uneasy about travelling without Brian. I do not know why – I have done it so many times before. I guess this is my anxious-first-time-mom-thing. I don’t struggle with things that other mom’s seem to, like leaving their children or going out in public with them, etc.. But I do struggle with this – terribly. It was worse this time, as I would be travelling with Ammon for the first time without Brian. I ended up having a mild panic attack – not at all a pleasant experience. Brian and I said our evening prayers and I felt slightly better – more at peace.

Ugh. This brings me back to the point I started from. There is no doubt the week had been bad. This must be distinctly understood, or nothing wonderful can come of the story I am going to relate.

FRIDAY:

I got up Friday feeling so much better. I still did not want to go without Brian, but I was excited for the days ahead. I felt confident about our trip – and knew that we all would be protected from any harm.

I hurriedly packed for the trip – Ammon was so good, which helped me to get everything done. My mom came that afternoon and we loaded up the car. I gave Ammon a quick bath, hoping that it would help him on the drive. We stopped for something to eat on our way out of town – and Brian was able to meet us there for a few minutes on his way home from work. So glad we were able to see him before leaving – the few minutes we saw him that morning just weren’t enough.

Finally, we were on the road. The trip was fairly uneventful. Ammon did so well – and he was in the backseat by himself for the whole trip! We made three stops – one of these was a lengthy stop so that Ammon could eat – and still made it to my aunt’s in about 5 ½ hours. This could have been because I was driving… who knows? I hadn’t been behind the wheel of a car for that long in quite a while. Glad it was a quick trip. Glad we were finally out of the car. Glad to be there.

SATURDAY:

Although Ammon slept fairly well Friday night, we were still up fairly early Saturday morning. This was a good thing – we had already decided to go to my cousin Amy's son’s baseball game – and being up early made it easier to get ready. This was Ammon’s first baseball game, and he was such a trooper! He was very tired, but never fussed. Eventually, he fell asleep in his stroller. While he was still awake he really enjoyed watching all of the hullabaloo. One of these days we will be going to his games. We all had a good time – I even forgot all about my healthy eating and had a fantastically fatty corndog smothered in mustard. Their team did very well – Will was catcher for a while and then was put on third base… the first time he was on a base. It was so fun to watch him play – we’re all so proud!

After the game, we grabbed lunch and headed to my cousin’s house for a bit. Me, my mom, aunt, cousin and Ammon all crammed in my little car and we went back to my aunt’s house to get ready for our girls’ night on the town. Once we were all dressed up and ready, we took Ammon to my other cousin’s house for the evening (Thank you Brian, Jess and Gracey, too – you are wonderful!). This marked the first time that Ammon would be left with someone other than a Grandma – this was easy to do considering he would be with people that I trust so much.

After visiting for a while we left and got some dinner – and dessert, too! We had such fun talking and giggling. I think we were all a bit giddy for the night we had ahead of us. We all ate far too much, stuffed our dessert in there somewhere, and waddled to the car. It was probably a good thing that Ammon’s car seat wasn’t in the car – this gave us a tad more room! We were finally off to Bob Carr – off to what we had all been waiting so long for:

Wicked. Stunning. Extraordinary. Brilliant. Incredible. Fabulous. Amazing. Mere words cannot describe.

Five minutes into it we knew that we would be seeing it again. Lovely. If the opportunity ever arises to see this show – take it. If the opportunity never arises to see this show – find it. Fantastic. I knew that I would like the show – but I never imagined that I would love it as much as I did… do. My cousin was right. She saw it in New York and told us all that we must see it... no ifs, ands or buts. So glad we believed her.

We had an extra ticket that we had a hard time getting rid of – hard to believe, I know – but we finally found a taker. Someone that used to be in my aunt’s ward took the ticket – a sophomore in college that was my aunt’s “date” for the evening. At first I think we all thought, “Heaven help him for spending the evening with us!”. But he was great – he fit right in, loved the show as much as we did, and even took our picture during intermission when we all lost our heads and put on our Wicked shirts over our fancy clothes. This was our last show for the season. We had to go out with a bang… and we did. It will be wonderful to wear our Wicked shirts and remember the joyful memories. Totally cool.

Afterwards, we stayed for a few minutes for the meet-and-greet outside, but ended up leaving shortly after so that we could hurry up and get Ammon. We did squeeze in some time to stop for ice cream, though – we just had to. After dropping my cousin off at her home, we went to pick up Ammon – only to find out that he had been asleep for most of the time we were gone! Of course, the little stinker was up most of the night – but I was too. I mean, who could possibly sleep after such a fun night!

SUNDAY:

My mom, Ammon and I slept in too late to go to church Sunday morning. I had only gotten about two hours of sleep, and was exhausted – I really did need the extra rest. We had initially planned to go home on Monday, but since Brian was not able to come we made the decision to leave Sunday afternoon. That way, Brian could spend some time with Ammon and me before having to return to work and school. We spent the morning getting ready to leave. While we weren’t looking forward to the long drive, we were anxious to get it over with. The drive was again fairly uneventful – I drove again and we made fewer stops. Ammon did well in the backseat by himself; however, he did have a few meltdowns. I would say that the only eventful thing that occurred was discovered after we got home. When Brian got Ammon out of his car seat we learned of the massive blow out that Ammon had somewhere between the state line and home (not very far, by the way). His outfit was completely covered in a mixture of many things. I have to wash his car seat cover. I had to give him a bath because his poor little legs were stained with the previously mentioned toxic substance. We were all filthy and reeked to high heaven – but we were happy to be home. Ammon was so excited to see his daddy… as was I.

Now starts the dreaded unpacking, readjusting, and the realization that we are no longer on a bit of a vacation – but are back to our ordinary, everyday lives. We had a simply wonderful time. To even think that I was going to stay home. I cannot imagine missing out on such a fun time with my dear family. I am so thankful to those who sacrificed a bit to help out. So grateful to Brian for encouraging me to go and helping me find the strength to do so. So happy I went. After all – Happy is what happens when all your dreams come true…

On the home front: Brian sustained another injury last Monday. He was shot by a staple gun at work. They finally sent him to the doctor on Wednesday. After doing an x-ray, it was discovered that the staple went into his arm an inch. The doctor said that it was a very good thing that his tetanus shot was still current and that he was presently on antibiotics (for his bug bites). The puncture wounds are still healing, and he will be going back for a follow-up appointment. I guess he had some therapy this weekend – while Ammon and I were gone he researched, purchased and setup our new surround sound system. Now, he just needs to move things around so that everything looks good. But I don't mind... my car is officially paid off today! Hooray!

Ammon is growing like a weed. I don’t notice it as much since I see him all day, but it is noticed by everyone else. More than him growing in size, I notice him growing in knowledge. He learns something new every single day. He finds new sounds to make, new faces to make, new cute things to do.

Ammon now no longer wants to pull up to a sitting position, but rather a standing position. He's a big boy that way. I introduced him to School House Rock today – because I had taken 400 miles of Fraggle Rock yesterday – and he loves it. I’m so proud. The current favorite toy is Chuck, his chicken-duck (I say this because its species is indeterminate, hence the name “Chuck”). Such a big boy… we love him so.

remembering claudie

It’s been a long time… and I have quite a bit of catching up to do. Here it is in a nutshell… what we have been up to.

Friday, Ammon and I went to Enterprise again – this time we fit in some family time before my hair appointment that afternoon. We visited my dad for a bit and then my grandparents. Ammon enjoyed the added attention… he was laying the charm on thick, as well as impressing everyone with his rolling over skills.

That evening, Brian and I had some errands to run. Ammon tagged along and was perfect. We were out almost two hours past his bedtime, but he didn’t fuss and fell asleep in his car seat. We were able to put him down very easily when we got home, and he slept well through the night.

FYI: Our second attempt at putting Ammon to bed awake on Thursday night did not go as smoothly as it did on Wednesday. I guess he realized that Wednesday wasn’t a mistake on my part and that we meant business. While I still did not get him out of his crib, it took quite a bit longer (and quite a bit more screaming) for him to go to sleep. Here’s to hoping this all works out in the long run.

Brian had a mid-term to do online Saturday, so that morning my mom came down and went shopping with Ammon and me. So nice to be able to get out of the house and run around for no real reason… but to run around. Ammon was so very good, and stayed in his stroller for most of the time.

I was able to put Ammon down for a nap when we got home, and since Brian was still working on his test, I took the opportunity to work on some projects that have been “in progress” for quite some time. Because of some new inspiration and lots of new goodies, I have been dying to just play a little bit… and I did… for days.

Sunday we celebrated Brian’s great-grandmother Claudie’s birthday. Though she has passed away, we still celebrate her life around this time of year. What a wonderful day it was – enjoying the beautiful weather and family. Brian’s uncle, Phil, was able to come down – we don’t see him as often as we would like, and this was his first time seeing Ammon. While I never knew MawMaw Claudie, I have felt her sweet spirit. I have felt it in her home and, like Brian, when we were married. And it was so lovely to watch Ammon in her home – as if he felt her spirit, too. So wonderful to know that he was with her before he came into this world. What a sweet, wonderful lady.

The rest of the time since my last post has been more of the same. I haven’t really felt like doing much of anything besides taking care of Ammon – and all that that entails. We have had lots of fun playing new games, singing new songs and trying new things. Just enjoying time together. Waiting patiently until Brian comes home so that we can all enjoy time together. The rest of the week will be busy for us all as we prepare for the final installment of our Orlando adventures… or at least for a while. I’ve finally started my laundry from the last trip. Anyone want to come and do the rest?

read, eat, repeat

sunshine on my shoulders makes me happy

Well, we are semi-unpacked from our recent trip. We really don’t see the point in unpacking completely since we will be on the road again in a week. The only thing that I really need to do is laundry, and for a perfectly logically reason… I am stalling.

Yesterday, Ammon and I went to Enterprise so that my friend, Kristy, and I could pick up our pottery from I Create. Our creations turned out just lovely! Kristy’s fairy was beautiful and I was pleasantly surprised with Ammon’s piggy bank. It’s already being put to good use in his room.

After leaving downtown, we headed to the park. We attempted a walk; however, Ammon (wait for it…) was expressing great distaste of his stroller. So, we abandoned the walk and headed to the playground. Kristy’s daughter, Kate, had a grand time running around and playing. Ammon, who loves being outdoors anyway, really enjoyed watching all the kids play. Before long, he will be one of those kids; I will be one of those parents running after him. The weather was absolutely divine – no chore at all to spend some time outside. So nice to feel the cool breeze around you and the warm sunshine on your shoulders. With Ammon in my arms, I had sunshine on my shoulder in more than one way.

Kate, who is expecting a new baby brother in a few weeks, brought her baby with her that afternoon. She seemed to mimic the things I was doing with Ammon – patting her bottom, rocking her, strapping her in Kate's car seat. So darling. We certainly enjoyed our visit with them… always do.

Last night marked our first attempt at putting Ammon to bed while he is still awake. Sleepy, but awake. Not something that Ammon feels is necessary. I put him down at 7:00, which is his normal bedtime, and left the room. I had already vowed that I would not go get him due to the slightest peep. I would let him cry a few minutes before I went to get him – just to see if he would put himself to sleep. And then, if I did have to go check him, I would not get him out of his crib – just offer his bink, wrap him up, bounce the mattress, yada yada yada. Well, he was quiet for a few minutes… I thought he was asleep. Then he started to fuss. Then he was quiet. Then he started to talk… for about twenty minutes. Then he started to cry. And cry some more. I sat downstairs, sitting on my hands, watching the clock. At about two minutes, I was running the following commentary in my head, “Sleep is a learned behavior. Sleep is a learned behavior. Sleep is a learned behavior.”. At about five minutes, I was telling myself, “I can do this. I can let him cry. I can do this.”. At about eight minutes, I was straining to keep my mind from wandering to this thought, “He needs me. I have to go get him. He needs me!”. But, I persevered until my pre-decided ten minute mark. I then went upstairs, gave him his bink, and helped him go to sleep. I was proud of myself. I didn’t cave, and I didn’t pick him up. I think it was much harder on me than it was on him. More harder than hearing him cry is the thought that he is growing up.

As we had our bedtime book/snuggle last night, I began to get a terrible, sick feeling in the pit of my stomach that could mean only one thing: I won’t be able to do this forever. One day, Ammon will be too big to hold close, too big to snuggle… not my sweet little baby anymore. As much as I want to see him grow and learn, see the man he will become, see what he will do – I will miss these days. I will miss these small moments that have come to mean so much to me. He is my special angel… and while I know time will fly by, I hope I am able to keep up.

orlando again...

home

We are home… for now. Of course, we had a fantastic time down south. Here are some of the things we enjoyed… in no particular order:

· A return visit to the shoppers’ Mecca
· Yummy bacon, eggs and grits
· Brian receiving his early graduation gift (his JS ring)
· Sleeping in
· Naps with Ammon
· Target
· Midnight runs for chocolate shakes
· Cookout with family
· Snuggling on the couch
· Dinner for two at House of Blues
· The Starting Line amongst others
· Kids climbing with the grapefruits
· Rainy, cold, delicious weather
· Being lazy
· Swinging in hammocks
· Giggling
· Having fun with our family… a treat any time of the day

We had a very enjoyable trip, as always; however, this one didn’t go quite as effortlessly as the last. Getting ready to leave was a chore, as I developed a migraine early Friday morning. This headache welcomed blurred vision and nausea, among other things. Once we were finally on the road, the motion of the car made matters worse. I was now car sick on top of everything else. Not a good way to start a nearly 360 mile trip.

Ammon didn’t do as well in the car as he did before – he was still very good, but he was awake for a good chunk of the drive and a wee bit cranky. Let’s just say this: He acted how I would expect a four-month-old to act on a long road trip – none of the “too good to be true” stuff that we had before, but Ammon, “true to life”. This, of course, added a bit to the drive. We left nearly three hours earlier than we did two weeks ago, but between stopping for Ammon and me, we got there at exactly the same time.

We enjoyed lots of down time while we were at Balboa Drive. Lots of lazy, much needed, days. We got to spend some time with most of our family one night – and Ammon really enjoyed the extra attention. He especially loved the girls helping me with his bath… such fun watching him splash and squeal.

Despite the fun time Ammon had during his baths, he didn’t sleep well at night… not the twelve hour stints we thoroughly enjoyed during our previous visit. He ended up sleeping with us all three nights. Of course, this way we didn’t get any sleep. But it isn’t about us, right?

The real reason for this trip was so that Brian could see his favorite band in concert one last time before they go on hiatus. We have seen them several times before… and it always proves for a grand time. Unfortunately, we didn’t get any pictures from the show itself. No cameras allowed – and since HOB’s security is so good, we couldn’t even sneak one in… just like last time. But we do have pictures from previous shows at other venues, so we aren’t too terribly disappointed. It was so nice to be able to spend some time together as a couple. So nice to have fun together.

The drive home yesterday was fairly better than the drive down; however, Ammon was still awake for most of it. Thank heavens for portable DVD players. And Muppets. We did get home earlier than we did on the last trip, making it a little better for Brian to go back to work today. We’ve been home for a day, and all of our belongings are still strewn all over the living room; pieces of luggage littered all over the house; dirty laundry at the base of the stairs; etc., etc. etc.. I look at it this way: It will still be there tomorrow.

Ammon has now mastered his “A” sounds. Now, instead of saying lots of “Whoo”, “Ohh” and “Ooo”, he is saying lots of “Aaa”, “Arr” and “Ack”. He thinks that this new skill is the cat’s pajamas… so this is all we hear all day in the Thomas home. “AaaaaArrrrAaaaWhooooooAaaaaArrrrAckAcckAcckkAAACCCKKK!”. He has also discovered that his feet are not only attached to him – they are functional. He likes using his feet to “pick up” things and bring them to his mouth. So exciting to see him learning new things.

All in all, we had a wonderful trip. Always do. We look forward to going back down in two weeks. We look forward to creating more memories. We look forward to feeling the love we all share for one another… always do.

so long, farewell, auf wiedersehen, adieu

And we are off again. Off to the same place we just left twelve days ago. Who in their right minds would make such a journey twice? Well… we would. And will be again in two weeks. Have I begun to get ready to leave? No. Is it because I have been preoccupied with two crabby boys? Certainly. Is it because I have not found the time? Absolutely. Or could it be that I just don’t feel like it? Most definitely. But, we are leaving tomorrow – whether I am ready or not. I’m not looking forward to the laundry, packing, cramming and sitting. Not one bit. But despite all of this, we couldn’t be happier about spending more time with our family. Couldn’t be happier about creating some more memories. Couldn’t be happier about going down south… truly.

for the love of mosquitoes

Ammon and I had a fairly good day. Ammon’s fever has gone down… and he is acting like his normal pterodactyl self. We travelled to Enterprise today – having lunch with my mom and visiting with my dad for a while this afternoon. Ammon did very well… considering he skipped his morning and lunchtime naps. He screamed only a little on the way home, before finally falling asleep. Thank heavens I had a few cds in the car as I left my iPod at home… Beauty and the Beast (Broadway) to lull Ammon to sleep; some Harry Connick, Jr. to keep me awake!

Our afternoon and evening, however, were not so pleasant. Ammon fussed and screamed up a storm. I think I am glad that he can’t talk… judging by the look on his face I hate to think what he would have had to say to me. But, we survived… and he only got to bed about an hour late. Now to see if he sleeps through the night…

Brian has had a pretty horrible week. You see, he is severely allergic to a few insects – having minor allergic reactions to all others. Sunday evening he sustained two nips on either side of his leg from a very loving Culex quinquefasciatus – commonly known as the mosquito. He always swells up like a balloon and develops nasty looking puss pockets. However, he had a very difficult spell this time around… the worst I have ever seen him have. His leg was so swollen that he could hardly walk; he couldn’t bend his foot – not to mention being in a lot of pain. One of his puss pockets burst a couple of days ago and has looked completely nasty ever since – blackish/yellowish/greenish, inflamed and infected. At the request of me and his mother, Brian finally broke down and went to the doctor this afternoon. After doing some blood work, the doctor discovered that his white blood cell count was high – being a sign of infection. Once his doctor saw his bites, confirming his belief that they were infected, he popped the second puss pocket. Brian is now on an antibiotic to prevent him from developing a staph infection, and has an additional topical cream to use. We all hope that he starts feeling better soon… especially with our upcoming trip.

I asked Brian what the doctor had told him. His response: “Ewww…”. He then said, “He also said that I should be pampered. That I need leg rubs, and back scratches, and Transformers…”.

now that he is four months old...

Yes – it is time for another one of these very rewarding and yet very depressing posts. Rewarding in that we have another month of parenthood under our belts; depressing in that our sweet boy is another month older. Yes – Ammon turned four months old yesterday. It’s true. But you don’t have to take my word for it. Here it all is in black and white:

He LOVES: to be held – when his daddy comes home – to be sung to – his changing table (yes, he still likes this for some strange reason…) – books – dogs – his Horton elephant – to be bounced… hard and fast – his swing... cranked up as fast as it will go – to be “super-boy” (i.e.: held up high in the air) – to “stand” on your lap – to “sit” on your lap or on the floor – for you to blow in his face – to blow bubbles – zerberts – to snuggle – to be outside – to eat – to watch others eat, while having a look of longing on his face (we think that he is going to be a bit of a foodie) – tummy-time on the floor – Fraggle Rock (especially Wembley, Junior Gorg and Madame Trash Heap) – Sesame Street (especially Big Bird, Bert and Count) – for that matter, anything that is on television – music – to dance – his Great-Aunt Kaye’s house (this has been newly discovered) – to talk – his family

He HATES: to tell you the truth… we couldn’t really think of anything. Surprise! While he does get tired of some things, I wouldn’t say that he completely dislikes anything at this point in his young life. He is beginning to enjoy bath time a little bit more – he is beginning to tolerate his car seat a little bit more – he is beginning to go down for naps and bed better. I'll just say it... he is growing up.

Ammon continues to find great joy in “pouting for laughs” – I don’t think that this will ever change. He enjoys vibrating his tongue while blowing bubbles – causing him to spit and make a very fun noise. His new "thing" is to rub his face with his blanket (or any cloth item) when he is tired - it puts him to sleep. He now arches his back when he is offered something that he does not want – like his bink or bedtime – causing him to look something like a parenthesis. He continues to babble and giggle for most of the day. He is sleeping so much better – taking fairly good naps during the day and, on most days, sleeping through the night. He is trying very hard to roll from his back to his tummy. He mimics most faces and sounds. When on his tummy, he still scoots backwards with his arms – he also gets his knees up under him and tries very hard to scoot forward. He loves to read books – actually getting upset when his books are put away. He puts everything in his mouth.

He still never ceases to amaze us. We always knew that he would be adorably cute and do endearing things – but never in our wildest dreams would we have thought that he would be this charming. Like always, the most important thing is that he is happy and healthy – growing more each day.

Ammon’s four-month appointment was also yesterday:

Stats: 11 pounds 10 ounces, 24 inches
Dr. Brown said that he was very impressed with how well Ammon is developing. He is on the smaller side (not a surprise since his mom and dad were, and are, small) – but is growing well, and is very strong. He is growing in length more rapidly than in weight.

Honestly, Ammon had a more difficult time with this appointment than with the last. However, he did as well as could be expected – especially since he had to get his four-month shots… which his mom had forgotten about. Luckily, I had some Tylenol in my bag, but it wasn’t in his system in time. He was already mad when he received his oral vaccine – and ended up choking on it. As I was by myself this time, I had to assist in holding him down for his four shots. Because Ammon is so strong, the nurse and I had a very difficult time keeping him pinned down long enough for her to do what she needed to and get Band-Aids on his legs. I couldn’t even finish getting him dressed to go home. So sad. I felt terrible about forgetting about his shots, but was proud of myself for only getting a little teary eyed. I was even prouder of Ammon – for even though he was a little difficult, he was still such a big, brave boy.

Ammon didn’t seem to have the same amount of swelling with this round of shots, but he has still had a slight fever since yesterday afternoon. We have been indulging in some “not usuallys”, like no bath, lots of movies and no real structure to the day. We have been doing lots of cuddling – and I think that Ammon enjoyed being a “true boy” – being completely dirty and running around in just his diaper. We hope he will be back to his normal self again very soon. His mom is ready to be back to a “normal” routine. We’re all ready to have some fun… real soon.

Note: My normal monthly photo shoot has just not happened. Stay tuned for the latest pictures of the most handsome man.

april showers

paint on our hands

Today was a positively beautiful day – despite the gloomy skies. Ammon and I travelled to Enterprise this morning. My dear friend, Kristy, and I were going to have a girl’s day out – childless. My willing-as-ever mother watched Ammon and Kristy’s husband watched their daughter, Kate, so that this was possible. Kristy and I were so determined to make this happen – so determined to have some adult conversation and relaxation – that we even braved the monsoon that hit lower Alabama this weekend. However, I do not know how the rain could have been a shock – every time Kristy and I do anything… it rains. And when I say rain, I mean it pours. It positively floods – but never washes away the possibility of a grand time. And we did have a grand time. We grabbed some lunch and then headed to I Create – a fun little pottery shop downtown. We always go in this place with a plan of what we want to make… but once we get there and see all the goodies… we can’t decide. I decided to finally follow through on something, and decided to paint what I had decided on prior to going in – a (huge) piggy bank for Ammon. Kristy decided to paint a fairy for Kate. Both things, hog and pixie, proved to be very daunting tasks – the pixie for its detail; the hog for its sheer mass. But, even though I don’t personally know any fairies or lime green pigs, I think we did a first-rate job at capturing our respective characters most charming personalities – can’t wait to see the finished results after they are glazed and fired. Most of all, we enjoyed each others company. Always do. So nice to get your hands dirty on a rainy day.

Brian stayed close to home while Ammon and I braved the weather. He helped out with Ammon last night so that I could get some rest – so he probably enjoyed a nice, quiet house for the day. He also had the priesthood session of general conference to attend this evening – so grateful that he is such a loving husband and father – who works so hard at his job and school – as well as an honorable, worthy priesthood holder. We love him so.

Ammon hasn’t really felt that hot the last few days – not really sure what might be wrong. We think that there might be a little conjunctivitis in the works (aka: eye funk). Hopefully his doctor will be able to shed some light on the subject at his 4-month – yes, I said 4-month – appointment on Monday.

We have had a wonderful start to our weekend. So much to be grateful for…

i've been tagged...

Yes, that’s right. I’ve been tagged. I was wondering how long it would be before I had to do one of these thingamajigs. Two posts in one day... now that's something. Well, here goes… most of these things aren’t news to most of you guys:

1… When I am mad I rearrange furniture.
2… When I am home by myself I have to have the television on. I don’t have to have the volume turned up and I don’t have to be in the same room – I can hear the humming of the television and that somehow calms me down (I don’t like being by myself at night).
3… I have a very vivid imagination and good memory. If I have watched something even remotely scary or start humming a scary sounding tune – I will freak myself out. I will see things that are not there. This can happen months or even years after I see something scary – if the mood catches me just right, that’s all it takes for me to remember.
4… I have super-sonic hearing. I know when people are talking about me – I don’t even have to hear my name mentioned and I can be in a completely different part of the house.
5… I love textures. I once made my mom stop the car so that I could feel a freshly paved road (she will be so proud of me for sharing this).
6… I love the flavor combination of pretzels and sharp cheddar cheese. I have figured the perfect ratio of pretzels (it has to be pretzel sticks) to cubes of cheese.
7… My dreams come true. I have dreams that document a normal day (i.e.: sitting on a couch, eating a certain food in a certain place, saying a certain thing) and a few weeks later – it will happen. Crazy déjà vu.

I don’t even know who to tag in return… most of the folks I know have already done it. I’ll tag Kristy, Becky, Kim, Hila, Stefanie and Tiffane.

feeling calm and sleepy… all at the same time

I feel much better now. I am still upset about all those missing-in-action pictures. But after averting my mind from the situation for a while and later looking through the photos that are still on my memory card I am feeling calmer – more confident that I can still document this time in a special and memorable way. After all – the true essence of Christmas isn’t something that you can capture in a photograph – it is something that you carry in your heart. Photos are wonderful, but my words hold value also.

We are so very sleepy here in the Thomas home. Ammon’s good sleep habits at his Aunt Kaye’s house have proved to be just that: good sleep habits at his Aunt Kaye’s house. He has been a terrible sleeper since we have been home. My mom is going to drop by this evening and keep a weather eye on the horizon for me… so that I can get some rest. At least that way I am better prepared to handle the very playful Ammon during the day.

Brian and Ammon are downstairs watching Shark Week (Brian has these on DVD now...). So glad to see them having such a good time. I am deathly afraid of sharks – so it's needless to say that I have been spending quite a bit of time upstairs. The one time I actually decide to watch with Brian – I ended up seeing the stomach contents of a shark while we were eating spaghetti. Such a lovely thing.

Ammon has been in a fairly good mood today. He has mastered the "vroom, vroom" noise while blowing bubbles – apparently this is his new favorite thing. Brian's mom stopped by today and commented on the uncanny similarities between Brian and Ammon – Ammon is Brian’s twin in almost every way. If this is an omen as to what I will be looking forward to when he gets a little older… I just don’t know.

My plan is to finish the holiday page for Ammon’s book tomorrow – here’s hoping that I am able to keep this new sense of calmness, as well as get some rest. I’m anxious to see the results – it’s nice sometimes to make lemonade out of lemons.

sick and madder than heck

Seriously, that title does not even remotely come close to what I am feeling right now. I am working some more on Ammon’s first scrapbook; having decided to complete his Christmas and New Year’s page today (I had already started it weeks ago). I went to print all the pictures that I needed – and cannot find the pictures from these two holidays anywhere. Anywhere. I kept myself from doing something rash – like yell and start throwing things – by telling myself, “I’m looking on the wrong disc.”, or “Maybe I had them in more than one folder in my editing program.”. No. No such luck. Never in my life have I been so upset. The pictures from my child’s first Christmas are gone – GONE! Strangely enough, when I did the disc for December and January’s pictures, they were on the disc. I always double check that everything transferred correctly before deleting my pictures off my hard drive. Always. I am paranoid about things – like something similar to this – happening to my precious photographs. Again, these pictures were on the disc when I checked – I even wrote “Chrima/NewYr” on the disc when I labeled it afterwards. Brian came home and very sweetly tried to help – I think that he was fearful of what I might do (probably what I would do to him) should these pictures not be found. He looked on our external hard drive where we back everything up. Not there. Another strange happening: I had already formatted the pictures that I wanted to use weeks ago – putting them in a collage format in a Word document – and that is gone also. So strange - I am pure sick. It is almost as if some outside force does not want me to document these memories! (Coincidently: This is my third attempt at making this post. Someone is having fun messing with my head today – and they do not know what they are getting themselves into!)

I had a nightmare that something like this would happen. And for all of you folks who have been told that my dreams come true: this is living proof. Just thinking about it is making me even more upset...

One good thing: I still have some of our holiday pictures on my camera’s memory card; however, I have deleted a lot of them. I guess that is better than nothing – and all is not lost.

On a lighter note: Ammon likes trying to sit up. His new thing is to sit on the floor and try to balance by putting his hands on the floor. He only took one nose dive today trying to reach for his duck. Such a big boy. He is also continuing to give the appearance of teething (i.e.: drooling, chewing and sticking everything in his mouth to munch on). Let’s hope that this is just a premature thing – he’s growing up far too quickly for his mom’s own good.