finding my place

Thoughts have been piling up in the back of my mind for some time now. Wonderings and musings. I’ve been reading loved ones’ blogs and have been astonished that I am reading about similar topics. Answers to prayers? Perhaps. More important, though, is that they have given me the motivation to address these feelings that have plagued me for so long.

My aspiration to have a family and raise it in righteousness has always been the strongest desire I have ever had for my life. I have faced a multitude of opposition over the years for the choices that I have made – the choices that I made, though others may feel differently, were and are right for me. Even though I know that I have taken the right path (though I found it earlier than I ever intended to), I still wonder if I am in the right place – if I am doing the right things. While I enjoy being at home, I have not felt that I have accomplished anything. I have not felt that there was a special purpose for me.

Today, while I was watching Ammon play – taking a moment to wipe some drool, dig earwax out of an ear, pull some mysterious something from a leg crease, and dangle a toy until my arm fell asleep – I had a realization. A realization that the seemingly miniscule tasks that seem to take all my energy are important. That I am important to at least two people – who are so very important to me.

I have never felt more surely than now my purpose in the world. Each of us arrives here with the opportunity to shape ourselves, to grow and learn, to overcome opposition, and hopefully to leave some evidence behind of a well lived life. My sweet family is my gift of purpose.

Pondering once more the question, "Am I doing the right thing(s)?” – No, I am not doing what I thought years ago I would be doing at this point in my life, but I have gone farther than I ever thought I would go in a lifetime. I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up exactly where I am intended to be.

Where is my place? Still don’t quite know… but I see a glimpse of it in my son's smile. You, Ammon, are the mark I will leave on the world.