'Til that day you came along,

my heart was empty

like the soul was missing from a song.

And I thought I'd loved a few…

no one ever made me feel

the way that you do.

Hey, little boy

look what you do.

Oh, I love you.

Hey, little boy…

oh, I love you.

Well I know I'm not always right.

And boy, it breaks my heart

when I have to see you cry.

So many things I want to say.

Now I know that you're the reason that I'm here today.

Hey, little boy

look what you do.

Oh, I love you.

Hey, little boy

look what you do… and you do.

When all my love starts running thin,

I’ve got you… I’m okay then.

Hey, little boy… oh, I love you.

Hey, little boy
Oh, I love...
Hey little boy who I love...
Hey, little boy,
oh, I love you.

Lyrics adapted from: Cailin by Unwritten Law

looking back on the last year

I wondered if we would make it this far. In fact, I thought this day would never come. And, now that it is here… I question where the time has gone. As I contemplate this past year with all its highs and lows, trials and triumphs, fear and hope – I wonder if I have spent the time wisely. If I have savored each moment. I hang my head, and answer “No” to each. But, another year has come. More time will pass. More memories are on the horizon. I will have more opportunities and another chance. That is the glory of life.

I decided a long time ago to not cry when this day came. I knew it would come sooner or later – whether I wanted it to or not. I decided to just make peace with the notion that my small boy was growing up – and would continue to do so.

I have had a thought running through my head for some weeks now – something that I learned from this favorite book of mine. “When life offers you a dream so far beyond any of your expectations, it’s not reasonable to grieve when it comes to an end.” My Heavenly Father has given me all things. My Heavenly Father has given me life. My Heavenly Father has given me my family. My Heavenly Father has given me my sweet child. Is it justified for me to mourn the passing of time? No. I have every reason to be thankful for the time I am given – to be grateful for the journey – and to be optimistic for what the future holds. And, after all, my happy ending has turned out better than I ever dreamed. I am forever grateful for my blessings – and continue to be awed by my Father in Heaven’s awareness of me. So I ask again – is it reasonable to grieve now that my son’s first birthday has come? Again… the answer is “No”.

So, while I will surely miss the babyish things that we are now saying goodbye to here on Woodburn Drive… I am grateful. I am honored to have had these experiences and these opportunities. I have relished them as if there won’t be another chance to experience these babyish things in our home. And, most of all, I am happy for my boy – sweet Ammon. Happy for him, and how far he goes each day. All that he learns and all that he accomplishes is a blessing and miracle to me.

And, yes. I still look into his eyes and wonder what he will do and who he will be. I’m a little excited, to tell you the truth. But, I can wait. In this one situation – I can be patient. I am in no hurry for him to sprout wings and fly away. He will do that soon enough. For today – I plan to hold him a little tighter, for just a little longer.

It’s hard to believe that this time last year I was enduring a grueling (regardless of how short it was) labor – unable to speak or breathe, but conscious of the role my body had played in the purpose of life. Throughout my whole pregnancy – through the sickness, pain and other complications – there was never a moment when I was not grateful. I was always – always – thankful for the experience. Always willing to go through whatever hardship, so long as I attained the end result: A healthy, happy baby boy that would make my family complete for now. Brian and I have been blessed beyond measure with this most precious boy, Ammon. We could not have asked for a sweeter spirit to be sent to us.

Happy birthday, Ammon Parker. We love you. We all love you. You still rock our world… and always will.

the birthday party

After much debate, we decided to have Ammon’s birthday party at Brian’s parents’ home. We also decided to have it on Saturday – the 6th – rather than on his actual birthday – the 7th. We opted for a simple, easy, no-fuss route… as he wouldn’t care anyway, and would (without a doubt) be fairly overwhelmed by the whole experience. Another reason for this uncomplicated method was that it would (hopefully) help lighten my already heavy-laden plate… and ease my already splitting headache.

And then, at the last minute – in true Stacy fashion – I started to get excited.

Originally, Ammon wasn’t going to have a themed birthday party. Just fun colors. But, once I got so enthusiastic about it, I got a little carried away and threw in all these little monster accents… inspired by Ammon’s birthday cake plate. So I guess you could say that, by the end of it, Ammon’s birthday party had a mild-mannered monster theme to it. Hmm… Monsters. Appropriate enough.

Things started going sour around Wednesday evening. Ammon caught a cold… somewhere… somehow. By Thursday, Brian was sick. I was still feeing a little questionable after the moldy-pumpkin-pie-incident. But, I was bound and determined to pull off a successful, organized, and special party for my wee little one.

I was able to do so thanks to thanks to my mom. She came Friday night to help with a few things and had already helped out a great deal before then. I was already a tad punchy when I started making cupcakes and such… I was glad she was there to keep me in line. And, yet again, I have proven that I work better under pressure. I will not lie… I am a procrastinator. I managed to accomplish a great deal on Friday: goodie bags with personalized tags; the table centerpiece; Ammon’s birthday banner; cupcakes, each donning the letter “A”; Ammon’s birthday cake (enter Mom’s help… it looked a little terrifying at first); Ammon’s highchair-birthday-garland; and all other forms of birthday party preparation. Brian also finished Ammon’s birthday CD (well, CDs… there were 3 of them), which featured all of his favorite tunes.

Saturday came bright and early… really early considering we never really went to bed. I ran around doing some last minute things, while Brian had Ammon duty. It was proving to be a difficult day mood-wise. I braced myself for the worst: A raunchy child being ghastly at his very own birthday party.

Sooner or later we got things set up and were raring to go down in the Nub. We had yummy hamburgers, chips and dip, cupcakes (with vanilla and chocolate frosting) and ice cream (both vanilla and chocolate)… and boy did we have a good time. The normal charming-curious-happy-Ammon returned for the duration of the shindig. And how happy were we that he chowed down on his Pa’s world-famous burgers (marking his first real meal in a week)!

On the reverse side of the eat-all-I-can coin – Ammon wanted nothing to do with his cake. The first child to refuse his first birthday cake, you might agree. But, try as we might, he just didn’t want it. Until after everyone left and my camera battery died, that is. Then, of course, he had a bite. Ammon did, however, really get into the whole birthday-party-thing when it was time to open his presents. His cousins, Caulin and Lainee, were his helpers. Everyone was very generous… he received many nice gifts.

All in all, it was a very nice party. Whew… I did it. We are so thankful that we have such wonderful family and friends that love Ammon so much. We had such a good time that we hated for it to end. But that nap that was promised at the end of the day sure did sound like heaven.

Thanks to everyone who helped make Ammon’s party a hit. Thanks to everyone for being a part of such a special time in Ammon’s life… and in ours.

From Ammon… Thank you: Sissy and Pa; Ammi; Grandpa; MawMaw and Granddaddy; Great-Grandma; GG and GGP; Uncle Craig, Aunt Rachel, Caulin and Lainee; Great-Uncle Gary; Uncle Paige, Shelby and Clay, and Rachel; Brian, Becky, Little Brian and Lucas Mitchell… and everyone else who wished me a happy birthday but couldn’t come to my party. I love you!

thanksgiving

We so enjoyed having Brian off work the whole week of Thanksgiving. He needed the break, and Ammon needed the male-bonding time. Plus, Daddy is the “fun” one. The enabler, if you will. So, Ammon got to do lots of the off-limits things that week: dumping out all the toys from all the baskets; pulling all the books off the shelf; nose-diving off the couch; etc.. Ammon decided that he liked having his dad home so much, that he didn’t need me anymore. In fact, he avoided me like the plague. Like I was the Grim Reaper, myself. I have been told (and fully understand) that this is all because he feels comfortable enough to be without me. He knows that I will always be there for him. I know that… and it’s flattering, yes. But are complete ignorance and terrified looks really necessary? Needless to say, Ammon turned into a human-egg-beater every time I touched him (and shirked away whenever I was in a 3-foot radius). As I result, I spent the week with a swollen, split lower lip; a few bloody noses; a huge scratch on my cheek; a handful of bruises. No joke.

Wednesday evening, we went down to Brian’s grandparents’ home. We had a herd of our Texas family in for Thanksgiving, and they had arrived that afternoon. We had a nice visit with all of them before going home to prepare for the big day.

Thursday morning, we all got up bright and early so that we had time for Ammon to get a bath before leaving. It was around breakfast time that things started to go south. Ammon decided to go on a hunger-strike that week and breakfast proved to be a daunting task… putting him in a bad mood. But, never fail, we got ready to go and hit the road.

We started out at my grandparents’ home in Enterprise. We had a nice visit with them and a yummy, yummy Thanksgiving lunch. Ammon tried his first real ham, cranberry sauce, smashed corn (cream corn), mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, white peas and rolls. He liked it all; however, didn’t eat much (i.e.: hunger-strike). We were all stuffed past capacity… just one of the hazards of such a holiday. We especially enjoyed spending time with my dad, Grandma Dody and Grandpa Don, Uncle Steve and Daphne. Before we left, all the neighbors came over, so we got to see all those family friends that I grew up knowing.

Ammon hadn’t had a morning nap, and was melting down quickly. We decided to hit the road again… stopping by my mom’s house before heading down to the Nub. Once there, Ammon threw the biggest fit he has pitched in… well, ever. He was beyond tired, but didn’t want to go to sleep. Brian ended up driving him around the block a few times to knock him out. Worked like a charm. I, meanwhile, munched on more sweet potatoes, stuffing, cranberry sauce and some turkey… while watching the Jon & Kate Plus 8 marathon. Not what my full tummy needed.

After that visit, we loaded up in the car (again) and headed down to Brian’s parents’ home. We were spending the weekend at their house, so we unloaded everything and got settled. Ammon continued to be a troll. While we devoured slice after slice of pie, he chose to see how high he could raise our blood pressure. We had a nice evening with our family. We ate more yummy Thanksgiving fare, laughed and watched the Texas/Texas A&M game (a rivalry of interest in our family). Later than usual, we decided that it was time for Ammon to go to bed. Do you think that was the thought running through his mind? I don’t think so. After a couple of hours of glass-shattering screams and a few minutes of Cars, he finally gave it up. What was the problem? No one really knew. Unnecessary to say, he has never been that stinky… and we went to bed soon behind him.

Friday, Ammon decided to wake up at about 5:45. Hello?! He never does that. But, as his schedule was already destroyed, it was only to be expected. We had a nice, slow morning; however, we had to take to the car again to get Ammon to take a nap. And, sure enough, as soon as we pulled back up in the driveway… he woke up. Rats. But, after a little screeching, he went back to sleep.

We spent the afternoon roaming the country, soaking up that clean, refreshing air. That evening, we had another Thanksgiving feast and watched Kung Fu Panda… a favorite of Brian’s. Our cousin Shelby’s boyfriend, Clay, decided to brave the family that day, and meet the family that was in town. We really enjoyed him being there, too. Ammon was slightly better that evening (even without an afternoon nap) – he enjoyed playing with all his cousins, yet he still avoided me like I was Dracula made-over. He even went to bed with only the very slightest of tantrums. We stayed up later that night, watching Wall-e with all the older cousins and our Uncle Don.

Saturday, was another quiet day. We got to sleep in a little later than the day before… Ammon’s slept until 6:00. I spent the morning cleaning the house up for Brian’s mom. Ammon decided to take his morning nap without a country drive. He still fussed, but not nearly like the day before. That afternoon was the Alabama/Auburn game… a big deal in our family. I decided to work on a project in the other room with my ear-buds in, which only lowered the chaos done to a low roar. We loaded up on hamburgers and party food… again pushing our stomachs to their limit.

Pretty soon it was time for us to head to our own house. Our Texas family was packing up for their long drive home, too. We so enjoyed being with this part of our family that we so rarely see. We are so glad that we could spend this time with you, that Ammon could get know his cousins that are his age, and create more family memories that are just too precious for words. We love you: Uncle Don and Aunt Joyce; Heather and cutie-patootie Bridger; Travis, Amanda and sweetest Emma; Uncle Ron, Aunt Diane and Ian; Uncle Phil. And of course we love the old regulars, too: MawMaw and Granddaddy; Ann and Larry; Craig, Rachel, Caulin and Lainee; Uncle Page, Aunt Bev, Shelby and Clay, Hunter and Rachel.

Once we were home, we were able to put Ammon in his own crib… hoping that he would sleep better. No dice. But, sleeping in my own bed was a bit of a treat... air mattresses just aren’t as pleasant. I decided to skip all the unpacking and just get some sleep. But not before I gobbled down a leftover piece of pumpkin pie. Mistake #1.

I knew that it looked a little odd when I cut the piece. I knew that it tasted funny when I took the first bite. But did I stop eating it? No. “There was no way this was already going bad” I thought. The next morning (really just a few hours later), I got into that pie again. This time, I was greeted with a green, fuzzy, black-spotted monstrosity. I immediately knew the answer to the oddities from the night before. That pie was, indeed, bad. I didn’t start to feel the effects of it until that night. And when I did… I was sorry for being such a glutton.

Our Thanksgiving weekend was a happy-medium of highs and lows, I guess. Ammon was horrific. Being with our family was fabulous. Food poisoning was for the birds. Having Brian home was irreplaceable. So, I guess you could say that our weekend could certainly have been better, but at the same time, not horrible.

It could be said that I have been a little ungrateful in this post… not really showing the Thanksgiving spirit. That just isn’t the case – I don’t want to give that impression, or leave on that note. The truth is… there is just too much to be grateful for this year. More than I could ever mention here. Truly, we have been blessed in so many ways. I’ve said before that I have all the things that money can’t buy… we have all the things that are most important. What else could make us feel more thankful than we do at this moment? We have so much to be grateful for. We all do.

Like I said before, we possess all the things that are most important. We love our happy life – and we love to love each other. We are finding joy in our journey and thank our Heavenly Father for all things. There is a quote that I admire by Lao Tzu: “Be content with what you have, rejoice in the way things are. When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you.”. I’m reminded, too, of something Willy Wonka said: “And Charlie, don’t forget about what happened to the man that suddenly got everything he ever wanted. He lived happily-ever-after.”.

For these reasons – and so many more – it is Thanksgiving everyday on Woodburn Drive. Let’s be thankful all the year through… we have every reason to be.

recovering thanksgiving-enthusiasts

It’s days like these that make me wish I had a home with a wide wrap-around porch. Or a nice big deck in the back. I would be lounging on a swing or hammock, for sure. I love this overcast, cool weather. Adore it. I wish the whole year could be like this. Here’s to dreaming.

We had a long, headache-inducing, aggravating, but nonetheless good Thanksgiving. Hope yours was pleasant, too… without all the downbeat adjectives. Stay tuned for a more in-depth look at our holiday revelry.

But, for you curious readers… just to recap this week: Brian is back at work – and loving every minute of it. I am recovering from food poisoning. Ammon is going through a phase that needs to end very, very soon. And, in between food poisoning-related business, I am seriously stressing out trying to finish some Christmas present projects, Ammon’s birthday party planning, Enrichment meeting finalization, designing our Christmas cards, cleaning, etc.. Yeah, you should see my twitching eye. At least I brushed my hair today. And, on top of it all, I’m trying to find some holiday cheer along the way. It is totally atypical of me to be so Scrooge-y. By now, I usually already have my family tired of Christmas music and jingle bells and Ho Ho Hos and mistletoe and all other kinds of red and green goodness. Truth be told, I believe in Santa. This is my favorite time of the year. And I am being far too Bah Humbug-y for my own good. I think it is because the holidays have crept up on me this year… more so than they usually do. Maybe it is because Ammon’s first birthday is fast-approaching. Maybe it is because I am an emotional cul-de-sac… due to reading New Moon yet again, and suffering through Edward leaving Bella, and enduring Jacob, and all that jazz. Who knows? Here’s to hoping that I can find cheer in the holiday air – remember what the Christmas season is really all about – and find a reason to be joyful. After all, it is the season to be merry and bright.

That thought will have to wait a moment or two… or four hundred and thirty-seven. The red-eyed, horn-sprouting ogre has awoken… or should I say never went to sleep? Back to the old rat race.

Cheers to the holidays.

Melodie Beattie : “Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos into order, confusion into clarity. . . It turns problems into gifts, failures into success, the unexpected into perfect timing, and mistakes into important events. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today and creates a vision for tomorrow.”

Let us all remember to be grateful today – and always. Happy Thanksgiving.

quality time = a fun mess

We are so happy that Brian is at home this week… especially Ammon.

eleven months old is the way to go

So, this month I thought I wouldn’t wait until the very last minute to do the monthly homage to Ammon’s life. Here’s to him as an eleven-month old.

He LOVES: his afternoon routine with his daddy – to be sung to… especially Popcorn Popping, Sing (from Sesame Street), Hello, Goodbye by The Beatles, Abadabadabadabadabadabadab Says Ammon to the Moon, The 59th Street Bridge Song by Simon and Garfunkel and Jellyman Kelly (from Sesame Street) – books – dogs – trucks, trains, cars… anything with wheels – to play rough with his daddy (especially on couches and beds) – to stand and “walk” (still with some assistance) – to be outside – to eat – playtime – any electronic device – music… The Dingees, The Starting Line, James Taylor, Simon and Garfunkel, 311 (much to his mother’s horror), Bing Crosby, The Black Crowes, The Electric Mayhem, Billy Joel and Harry Connick, Jr. – to dance – to talk, squeal, laugh… he’s babbling constantly now, rather than just making individual noises – his family – people watching – his bath time – trees – hide and seek – crinkling his diaper – watching manly stuff with his daddy – textures – his bink – the park – nap buddies in his crib – paper – shoes – Transformers, especially his Ammon-sized Jazz and Starscream – to give kisses… be they Eskimo, head bumps or slobbery, wet chews – to make his Incredible Hulk face – balls – speed crawling – the entertainment center – his (get this) sippy cups

He HATES: not getting his way – having things taken away from him –laying down to change diapers or clothes

Ammon continues to hold his own bottle… and now loves the sippy cup way of life. Ammon is, finally, showing an interest in learning to feed himself. Table foods, however, are a problem in his opinion. But, he is slowly getting used to the idea.

Ammon is a talker. He practices new sounds and combinations just about every day. Words we often hear are: Momma, Daddy, Shoe, Sissy (Brian's mom), Ball, Book, Toys, No, Yeah, Hi or Hey – and of course his world-famous whistly-OOOO or Sissssssh when he is very, very excited.

Ammon knows his name; however, he has a selective hearing problem. As most do, I know. He also knows what is off-limits or potentially off-limits. He always stops and looks back at us for “approval”, then goes full steam ahead whether we give it, or not.

Ammon is an independent player – like his mom and dad were. He does like some companions at times, but mostly just likes to explore or play by himself. GRAPHIC CONTENT AHEAD: Brian also calls Ammon a “solitary pooper”… as he now goes and hides whenever he’s, you know…

Ammon still is fascinated by the mechanics of things. He loves figuring out how things work. He now not only get his books off his bookshelf by himself, but he can get out his own toys and whatnots. He is figuring out how to get around the barricades now… allowing him to get to those afore-mentioned off-limits things. He also knows how to open DVD and CD cases.

Ammon continues to crawl via warp speed travel. He pulls up on everything he can, and is at last pulling up to a standing position without help – though he still prefers not to. He is a lazy one... his only vice.

Ammon continues to sleep well through the night. It is rare for him to make the slightest peep at all. He appears to want to drop one of his naps; however, he just isn’t ready for it yet. He thinks he is… but he’s not (and that isn’t just his mom talking). He may only need two naps a day for another few months, but as of right now… he must have two or we have WW111 here on Woodburn Drive. Sleep is not required (just preferred)… but quiet time is non-negotiable.

Ammon still loves to read books – he still cannot get enough of them. Bedtime is still one of our favorite times of the day. We like those nice, wind-down moments when we read a story as a family, say prayers and give goodnight cuddles.

We are still plagued with some separation issues. Around 6:00pm everyday, Ammon gets very clingy… whether Brian and/or I are going anywhere or not. I dread the day when he starts Nursery… or, heaven forbid, school.

Ammon’s bright personality and smart mind always make us smile. He is such a ray of sunshine in our lives. As he rapidly approaches his first birthday, we are ever-thankful for these last eleven months. So grateful for the memories, lessons, fun… and love.