this crazy life of ours

Lots of catching up to do. We’ve been enjoying our time at home – our time between bouts of chaos. Our crazy little life will again be hectic in about a week. We’re enjoying the down time – and enjoying togetherness.

Friday, Ammon had his very first play date. Well, really it was his mom’s play date – Ammon stayed in his stroller and was such a trooper! My friend, Kira, and I went to the park with all our little munchkins – Kira and I walked and then her kids enjoyed some time on the playground. We ran into our friend Sara and her children while we were there. Such fun! Ammon only started to meltdown when it was time to leave – and he was asleep before we left the parking lot. Needless to say, he did some sleeping in his car seat when we got home. I wasn’t about to wake him up!

I had a surge of energy after walking – and as a result, got quite a bit done. Once Ammon finally got up, we played on the floor for a bit. He is really loving his mirror right now. He discovered last week that there is somebody in there… and he quite enjoys the conversation. After a while, he started to act tired again, and within minutes was crashed out on the floor. Never happened before. No more burrito-wrapping for us. The bug is growing up.

We were going to the Hutto’s for dinner that evening, and I made my yummy salad and cookies – only for friends will I do all that! Everything turned out just right – and dinner was fabulous. We had such a great time with our dear friends – enjoying their company and conversation. I had given Ammon a bath before we went over, having him ready for bed – but, of course he had other plans. There was no way he was going to sleep with so much going on. It was after 10:00 before we got him in bed. He slept through the night – but I really attribute this to the fact that it was Brian’s night to get up with him. He always does that. So not fair.

Even though Ammon slept well – I did not. You see, I had this nice piece of key lime pie in my fridge (actually several pieces)… and I had plans to take care of some business before going to bed. After we got Ammon down, I invaded the fridge, grabbed my key lime pie… and then I cried. The pie plate flipped over, my pie landed upside-down splattering all over the floor. So disappointing. I went straight to bed, even though I wasn’t really tired, and tossed and turned all night. It never fails – when I have the guaranteed ability to have a full night’s sleep… it doesn’t happen.

Saturday was more or less a lazy day at home. Brian had a bit of school work to do, I had a bit of laundry to do, Ammon had… well, let’s just say Ammon was Ammon. Which prevented me from getting all the laundry done. But, oh well, it isn’t going to sprout legs and walk away. I wish it would… but history has proven that that isn’t happening.

Saturday evening, my mom came and watched Ammon while Brian and I went out for our “date” – groceries. We did go out to eat and ran some other more “fun” errands, too. We didn’t get everything done, though – and got back pretty late. I was in a sour mood – I wanted to right the wrong that had happened the night before in regards to the key lime pie. I wanted ice cream – to be specific, ice cream in ice cream cones (loving that taste combination right now). I got the ice cream cones, but no ice cream. There was no ice cream to be had at Wal-Mart. Unbelievable, I know. To say that I was quite disappointed would be an understatement.

Trying to put myself in a better mood, Brian and I watched a movie before going to bed. We watched some Indiana Jones and ate a snack – I went foraging and was grazing on whatever looked tempting… the popcorn that I had made was not what I wanted. I was not the least bit tired due to the nap that I had taken around lunch time, so it was another late night for me. It was around 2:00 before I went to bed – and I was in for another night of restlessness.

Sunday, we went to church and decided to go to the park that afternoon for a walk. The afternoon proved to be a little too hot – we ended up planning an evening trip, but it just didn’t happen. We did have an eventful evening, though. Ammon got his very first juice and cereal. He was such a big man! He loved (loved, loved, loved, loved) his juice, and was so very ready for his cereal. He knew just what to do – his mouth opened up wide in anticipation of that spoon. He’s been eyeing our food for so long… he was probably thinking, “I know what to do. I’ve seen the big people do this.”. He seemed to really like it – I think he was just so excited to be eating “real food” that he wouldn’t have cared what it tasted like. That full tummy helped him sleep, though he did get up a couple of times that night.

Monday, was a ho-hum day. I did some laundry between playtimes. Brian is officially done with his Monday and Wednesday classes, so we were all really excited for some family time that evening. We ended up running all the errands that we didn’t get to on Saturday. Ammon was good, even though he was fighting sleep in a bad, bad way. There was that slight meltdown in Target, though…

We had a difficult time putting Ammon to bed that night. It was similar to Friday night – the more past his bedtime, the more struggle there is. We were finally able to put him to bed, and Brian followed soon after. I, however, needed some down time – and as I was finally able to get some ice cream, I got a snack and watched a bit of television. Even though I know I need the sleep, I think I need that time to unwind even more.

Tuesday, we had another little play date. We went to the park again with the Hutto’s and we walked a bit. This time didn’t go a smoothly as the last – we went a tad later in the day… running into lunch and naptimes. We decided to cut it short when everyone started melting down. Friday will be a better day.

Ammon fell asleep in the car again, and I was able to put him down in his crib when we got home. Another first. This child does not – I repeat, does not – take naps in his crib. He slept for over an hour. Isn’t it amazing how such a thing can bring so much joy!

That evening, my mom came down and went shopping with me and Ammon. I needed to find a new dress for Brian’s graduation, and really didn’t want to go by myself. I finally found one, along with some other things, of course. Ammon was really good through it all, even though he was very, very tired. Once we got home, he fought sleep for a while before finally giving up. Brian got home shortly after, and we watched Dan in Real Life after dinner. We hadn't seen this one before, and it really was pretty good.

Today, I have been trying to straighten up a little bit – our house is beginning to get even more cluttered now that we have more baby gear than ever before. Between swing, bouncy seat, jump-n-go in the doorway, exersaucer, highchair, yada yada yada – we have very little room. But we have lots of fun in that very little room. Can’t complain too much about that.

something to celebrate

Brian's cousin, Jacob, is home from Afghanistan. Hooray! Definitely something to celebrate... definitely something to be grateful for today.

Welcome home, JC. So good to hear your voice. We are so very glad that you have returned home safely to your sweet wife and family. We love you – and couldn’t be more proud.

ignoring the mess – enjoying the present

Yes – something else that I am working on. Trying to enjoy the moment and, and more importantly, the process.

I’m trying to not worry so much about my to-do list, my messy work space, the dirty clothes stacked on my laundry room floor, the dishes needing to be put away. I’m trying to just enjoy my little one – heaven knows he won’t be little for long. I’m trying to just enjoy my family at this stage of its existence – and not worry so much about the mess.

I know that my home will never be spotless again. I know that my stack of photos waiting to be archived will just get taller. I know that the amount of dirty laundry will just get larger. For now, I am going to do what I can – and enjoy my family, make some time for myself, and enjoy our journey.

I don’t want Ammon to grow up too quickly – what mother would? But I am beginning to come to grips with that fact that he will. I can’t stop it. He is growing so quickly. Just in the last week he has changed so much – in every aspect. Size, knowledge, ability, strength, hair… everything. He isn’t quite a baby anymore – he is turning into a little boy.

I’m trying not to look too far ahead. I’m trying not to forgo the present for what’s on the horizon. I’m trying to enjoy the moment – because even though Ammon is only 4 ½ months old, I have already learned that time passes far too quickly.

Despite all these things, I can’t help but look ahead – just a bit – when I see this picture. I’m not sure why, but whatever the reason, I look at this photo of Ammon and instead of seeing the baby he is, I see the boy he will become. I may be trying to live in the now, but I love this glimpse into the future. He already seems to be comfortable in his own skin, and I love the way that he is just so Ammon.

We look forward to continuing to see Ammon grow into even more of a special person than he already is.

finding my place

Thoughts have been piling up in the back of my mind for some time now. Wonderings and musings. I’ve been reading loved ones’ blogs and have been astonished that I am reading about similar topics. Answers to prayers? Perhaps. More important, though, is that they have given me the motivation to address these feelings that have plagued me for so long.

My aspiration to have a family and raise it in righteousness has always been the strongest desire I have ever had for my life. I have faced a multitude of opposition over the years for the choices that I have made – the choices that I made, though others may feel differently, were and are right for me. Even though I know that I have taken the right path (though I found it earlier than I ever intended to), I still wonder if I am in the right place – if I am doing the right things. While I enjoy being at home, I have not felt that I have accomplished anything. I have not felt that there was a special purpose for me.

Today, while I was watching Ammon play – taking a moment to wipe some drool, dig earwax out of an ear, pull some mysterious something from a leg crease, and dangle a toy until my arm fell asleep – I had a realization. A realization that the seemingly miniscule tasks that seem to take all my energy are important. That I am important to at least two people – who are so very important to me.

I have never felt more surely than now my purpose in the world. Each of us arrives here with the opportunity to shape ourselves, to grow and learn, to overcome opposition, and hopefully to leave some evidence behind of a well lived life. My sweet family is my gift of purpose.

Pondering once more the question, "Am I doing the right thing(s)?” – No, I am not doing what I thought years ago I would be doing at this point in my life, but I have gone farther than I ever thought I would go in a lifetime. I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up exactly where I am intended to be.

Where is my place? Still don’t quite know… but I see a glimpse of it in my son's smile. You, Ammon, are the mark I will leave on the world.

before ammon was, there were...

I’ve wanted to do this for a while now. Now to be completely honest… these photos have been staring at me from my work space for a month or so. I thought that now was as good a time as any to get them scanned and put away. Item 1 of 743 officially checked off my to-do list.

The more Ammon grows, the more unsure I get about who he looks like. He changes from day to day – one minute he looks like his dad, but then he looks at me just the right way and I see myself. I’ve done several of those online look-a-like meter thingamajigs… with fairly obvious results depending on the pictures used. And really, I want to know what real people think.

Before Ammon was, there were, well… us. So mull over these photographs of yesteryear… and let us hear your thoughts.

orlando… where no one mourns the wicked

home again, home again

Last night we got back from our last trip to Orlando – for a little bit, anyway. “A tad early, isn’t it?”, some of you may ask. Read on for details. Our trip didn’t officially begin until Friday; however, our journey started Thursday. That’s where we’ll begin…

THURSDAY:

Ugh. It hadn’t been a good week. Nothing went well. Everything exploded right in front of my eyes. All of which, put me in a terrible mood. The trip coming up that weekend was one that I had been looking forward to for a year – and the whole week was a nightmare. You see, there is this musical that I had been dying to see – and this would be the weekend that would end my wait (this was the main reason for our season tickets and our girlie-flings) and would make a dream come true. I was furious that the week had been what it was – and I was fearful that I wouldn’t enjoy our trip. I arose Thursday morning with new resolve. New resolve to force the remainder of the week to be better. The day was looking hopeful; the weekend seemed to be a bright ray of sunshine.

And then the phone rang. Brian was calling to break the bad news that he had a mandatory order to work on Saturday. You see, Brian was my babysitter so that I could even go to the aforementioned show. He was our driver and travel buddy on the road. Apart from all this, we just enjoy his company and were really looking forward to some family time. I hung up the phone and the world came crashing down again. I burst into tears – not knowing what I was going to do. I had finally decided, against my will, that I might just have to stay home – but was still hopeful that something could be worked out. I called my mom, and a marathon-phone-day began between her, me, my aunt, my cousin and everyone else you could imagine. We finally found someone to watch Ammon Saturday night, and worked out our changed itinerary for the weekend.

I felt better, but was still steaming hot. My friend, Kira, and I had manicure and pedicure appointments that afternoon. I was glad, too – I was optimistic that this would help perk my spirits. And it did – Brian’s mom watched Ammon so that I could enjoy myself in peace – and it was good to have some nice, adult, conversation.

That evening, after Brian and I picked up Ammon, I put aside the urgent need to pack and spent some time with Brian. My heart began to beat faster and faster, and I started to get more and more restless. Since I was pregnant with Ammon, I have been very uneasy about travelling without Brian. I do not know why – I have done it so many times before. I guess this is my anxious-first-time-mom-thing. I don’t struggle with things that other mom’s seem to, like leaving their children or going out in public with them, etc.. But I do struggle with this – terribly. It was worse this time, as I would be travelling with Ammon for the first time without Brian. I ended up having a mild panic attack – not at all a pleasant experience. Brian and I said our evening prayers and I felt slightly better – more at peace.

Ugh. This brings me back to the point I started from. There is no doubt the week had been bad. This must be distinctly understood, or nothing wonderful can come of the story I am going to relate.

FRIDAY:

I got up Friday feeling so much better. I still did not want to go without Brian, but I was excited for the days ahead. I felt confident about our trip – and knew that we all would be protected from any harm.

I hurriedly packed for the trip – Ammon was so good, which helped me to get everything done. My mom came that afternoon and we loaded up the car. I gave Ammon a quick bath, hoping that it would help him on the drive. We stopped for something to eat on our way out of town – and Brian was able to meet us there for a few minutes on his way home from work. So glad we were able to see him before leaving – the few minutes we saw him that morning just weren’t enough.

Finally, we were on the road. The trip was fairly uneventful. Ammon did so well – and he was in the backseat by himself for the whole trip! We made three stops – one of these was a lengthy stop so that Ammon could eat – and still made it to my aunt’s in about 5 ½ hours. This could have been because I was driving… who knows? I hadn’t been behind the wheel of a car for that long in quite a while. Glad it was a quick trip. Glad we were finally out of the car. Glad to be there.

SATURDAY:

Although Ammon slept fairly well Friday night, we were still up fairly early Saturday morning. This was a good thing – we had already decided to go to my cousin Amy's son’s baseball game – and being up early made it easier to get ready. This was Ammon’s first baseball game, and he was such a trooper! He was very tired, but never fussed. Eventually, he fell asleep in his stroller. While he was still awake he really enjoyed watching all of the hullabaloo. One of these days we will be going to his games. We all had a good time – I even forgot all about my healthy eating and had a fantastically fatty corndog smothered in mustard. Their team did very well – Will was catcher for a while and then was put on third base… the first time he was on a base. It was so fun to watch him play – we’re all so proud!

After the game, we grabbed lunch and headed to my cousin’s house for a bit. Me, my mom, aunt, cousin and Ammon all crammed in my little car and we went back to my aunt’s house to get ready for our girls’ night on the town. Once we were all dressed up and ready, we took Ammon to my other cousin’s house for the evening (Thank you Brian, Jess and Gracey, too – you are wonderful!). This marked the first time that Ammon would be left with someone other than a Grandma – this was easy to do considering he would be with people that I trust so much.

After visiting for a while we left and got some dinner – and dessert, too! We had such fun talking and giggling. I think we were all a bit giddy for the night we had ahead of us. We all ate far too much, stuffed our dessert in there somewhere, and waddled to the car. It was probably a good thing that Ammon’s car seat wasn’t in the car – this gave us a tad more room! We were finally off to Bob Carr – off to what we had all been waiting so long for:

Wicked. Stunning. Extraordinary. Brilliant. Incredible. Fabulous. Amazing. Mere words cannot describe.

Five minutes into it we knew that we would be seeing it again. Lovely. If the opportunity ever arises to see this show – take it. If the opportunity never arises to see this show – find it. Fantastic. I knew that I would like the show – but I never imagined that I would love it as much as I did… do. My cousin was right. She saw it in New York and told us all that we must see it... no ifs, ands or buts. So glad we believed her.

We had an extra ticket that we had a hard time getting rid of – hard to believe, I know – but we finally found a taker. Someone that used to be in my aunt’s ward took the ticket – a sophomore in college that was my aunt’s “date” for the evening. At first I think we all thought, “Heaven help him for spending the evening with us!”. But he was great – he fit right in, loved the show as much as we did, and even took our picture during intermission when we all lost our heads and put on our Wicked shirts over our fancy clothes. This was our last show for the season. We had to go out with a bang… and we did. It will be wonderful to wear our Wicked shirts and remember the joyful memories. Totally cool.

Afterwards, we stayed for a few minutes for the meet-and-greet outside, but ended up leaving shortly after so that we could hurry up and get Ammon. We did squeeze in some time to stop for ice cream, though – we just had to. After dropping my cousin off at her home, we went to pick up Ammon – only to find out that he had been asleep for most of the time we were gone! Of course, the little stinker was up most of the night – but I was too. I mean, who could possibly sleep after such a fun night!

SUNDAY:

My mom, Ammon and I slept in too late to go to church Sunday morning. I had only gotten about two hours of sleep, and was exhausted – I really did need the extra rest. We had initially planned to go home on Monday, but since Brian was not able to come we made the decision to leave Sunday afternoon. That way, Brian could spend some time with Ammon and me before having to return to work and school. We spent the morning getting ready to leave. While we weren’t looking forward to the long drive, we were anxious to get it over with. The drive was again fairly uneventful – I drove again and we made fewer stops. Ammon did well in the backseat by himself; however, he did have a few meltdowns. I would say that the only eventful thing that occurred was discovered after we got home. When Brian got Ammon out of his car seat we learned of the massive blow out that Ammon had somewhere between the state line and home (not very far, by the way). His outfit was completely covered in a mixture of many things. I have to wash his car seat cover. I had to give him a bath because his poor little legs were stained with the previously mentioned toxic substance. We were all filthy and reeked to high heaven – but we were happy to be home. Ammon was so excited to see his daddy… as was I.

Now starts the dreaded unpacking, readjusting, and the realization that we are no longer on a bit of a vacation – but are back to our ordinary, everyday lives. We had a simply wonderful time. To even think that I was going to stay home. I cannot imagine missing out on such a fun time with my dear family. I am so thankful to those who sacrificed a bit to help out. So grateful to Brian for encouraging me to go and helping me find the strength to do so. So happy I went. After all – Happy is what happens when all your dreams come true…

On the home front: Brian sustained another injury last Monday. He was shot by a staple gun at work. They finally sent him to the doctor on Wednesday. After doing an x-ray, it was discovered that the staple went into his arm an inch. The doctor said that it was a very good thing that his tetanus shot was still current and that he was presently on antibiotics (for his bug bites). The puncture wounds are still healing, and he will be going back for a follow-up appointment. I guess he had some therapy this weekend – while Ammon and I were gone he researched, purchased and setup our new surround sound system. Now, he just needs to move things around so that everything looks good. But I don't mind... my car is officially paid off today! Hooray!

Ammon is growing like a weed. I don’t notice it as much since I see him all day, but it is noticed by everyone else. More than him growing in size, I notice him growing in knowledge. He learns something new every single day. He finds new sounds to make, new faces to make, new cute things to do.

Ammon now no longer wants to pull up to a sitting position, but rather a standing position. He's a big boy that way. I introduced him to School House Rock today – because I had taken 400 miles of Fraggle Rock yesterday – and he loves it. I’m so proud. The current favorite toy is Chuck, his chicken-duck (I say this because its species is indeterminate, hence the name “Chuck”). Such a big boy… we love him so.

remembering claudie

It’s been a long time… and I have quite a bit of catching up to do. Here it is in a nutshell… what we have been up to.

Friday, Ammon and I went to Enterprise again – this time we fit in some family time before my hair appointment that afternoon. We visited my dad for a bit and then my grandparents. Ammon enjoyed the added attention… he was laying the charm on thick, as well as impressing everyone with his rolling over skills.

That evening, Brian and I had some errands to run. Ammon tagged along and was perfect. We were out almost two hours past his bedtime, but he didn’t fuss and fell asleep in his car seat. We were able to put him down very easily when we got home, and he slept well through the night.

FYI: Our second attempt at putting Ammon to bed awake on Thursday night did not go as smoothly as it did on Wednesday. I guess he realized that Wednesday wasn’t a mistake on my part and that we meant business. While I still did not get him out of his crib, it took quite a bit longer (and quite a bit more screaming) for him to go to sleep. Here’s to hoping this all works out in the long run.

Brian had a mid-term to do online Saturday, so that morning my mom came down and went shopping with Ammon and me. So nice to be able to get out of the house and run around for no real reason… but to run around. Ammon was so very good, and stayed in his stroller for most of the time.

I was able to put Ammon down for a nap when we got home, and since Brian was still working on his test, I took the opportunity to work on some projects that have been “in progress” for quite some time. Because of some new inspiration and lots of new goodies, I have been dying to just play a little bit… and I did… for days.

Sunday we celebrated Brian’s great-grandmother Claudie’s birthday. Though she has passed away, we still celebrate her life around this time of year. What a wonderful day it was – enjoying the beautiful weather and family. Brian’s uncle, Phil, was able to come down – we don’t see him as often as we would like, and this was his first time seeing Ammon. While I never knew MawMaw Claudie, I have felt her sweet spirit. I have felt it in her home and, like Brian, when we were married. And it was so lovely to watch Ammon in her home – as if he felt her spirit, too. So wonderful to know that he was with her before he came into this world. What a sweet, wonderful lady.

The rest of the time since my last post has been more of the same. I haven’t really felt like doing much of anything besides taking care of Ammon – and all that that entails. We have had lots of fun playing new games, singing new songs and trying new things. Just enjoying time together. Waiting patiently until Brian comes home so that we can all enjoy time together. The rest of the week will be busy for us all as we prepare for the final installment of our Orlando adventures… or at least for a while. I’ve finally started my laundry from the last trip. Anyone want to come and do the rest?

read, eat, repeat

sunshine on my shoulders makes me happy

Well, we are semi-unpacked from our recent trip. We really don’t see the point in unpacking completely since we will be on the road again in a week. The only thing that I really need to do is laundry, and for a perfectly logically reason… I am stalling.

Yesterday, Ammon and I went to Enterprise so that my friend, Kristy, and I could pick up our pottery from I Create. Our creations turned out just lovely! Kristy’s fairy was beautiful and I was pleasantly surprised with Ammon’s piggy bank. It’s already being put to good use in his room.

After leaving downtown, we headed to the park. We attempted a walk; however, Ammon (wait for it…) was expressing great distaste of his stroller. So, we abandoned the walk and headed to the playground. Kristy’s daughter, Kate, had a grand time running around and playing. Ammon, who loves being outdoors anyway, really enjoyed watching all the kids play. Before long, he will be one of those kids; I will be one of those parents running after him. The weather was absolutely divine – no chore at all to spend some time outside. So nice to feel the cool breeze around you and the warm sunshine on your shoulders. With Ammon in my arms, I had sunshine on my shoulder in more than one way.

Kate, who is expecting a new baby brother in a few weeks, brought her baby with her that afternoon. She seemed to mimic the things I was doing with Ammon – patting her bottom, rocking her, strapping her in Kate's car seat. So darling. We certainly enjoyed our visit with them… always do.

Last night marked our first attempt at putting Ammon to bed while he is still awake. Sleepy, but awake. Not something that Ammon feels is necessary. I put him down at 7:00, which is his normal bedtime, and left the room. I had already vowed that I would not go get him due to the slightest peep. I would let him cry a few minutes before I went to get him – just to see if he would put himself to sleep. And then, if I did have to go check him, I would not get him out of his crib – just offer his bink, wrap him up, bounce the mattress, yada yada yada. Well, he was quiet for a few minutes… I thought he was asleep. Then he started to fuss. Then he was quiet. Then he started to talk… for about twenty minutes. Then he started to cry. And cry some more. I sat downstairs, sitting on my hands, watching the clock. At about two minutes, I was running the following commentary in my head, “Sleep is a learned behavior. Sleep is a learned behavior. Sleep is a learned behavior.”. At about five minutes, I was telling myself, “I can do this. I can let him cry. I can do this.”. At about eight minutes, I was straining to keep my mind from wandering to this thought, “He needs me. I have to go get him. He needs me!”. But, I persevered until my pre-decided ten minute mark. I then went upstairs, gave him his bink, and helped him go to sleep. I was proud of myself. I didn’t cave, and I didn’t pick him up. I think it was much harder on me than it was on him. More harder than hearing him cry is the thought that he is growing up.

As we had our bedtime book/snuggle last night, I began to get a terrible, sick feeling in the pit of my stomach that could mean only one thing: I won’t be able to do this forever. One day, Ammon will be too big to hold close, too big to snuggle… not my sweet little baby anymore. As much as I want to see him grow and learn, see the man he will become, see what he will do – I will miss these days. I will miss these small moments that have come to mean so much to me. He is my special angel… and while I know time will fly by, I hope I am able to keep up.