random thought in the meantime

Alright. Because I am getting tired of seeing that heart-wrenching face every time I look at our blog – and also because my blood pressure goes up every time I see that post – I am going to share an experience that I had a couple of months ago. I'm going to share this particular thing because a.) I feel prompted to do so; and b.) I don't have everything ready and waiting for our Orlando post. I haven’t been able to share this experience during our weekly ‘missionary moments’ in Relief Society on Sundays. All because I have that boy with me and he is up to his normal shenanigans and we have long since been in the hall. This is actually a direct excerpt from my journal entry on March 5th of this year. Enjoy.

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Lately, we’ve been asking Heavenly Father to send missionary experiences or way during our family prayers. I remember suppressing a chuckle the other night at the thought of me – a stay-at-home-mom who rarely sees the sun, much less the general public – having a missionary experience.

Yesterday, I watched Kristy’s children, Kate and Caleb – which, coupled with my own manic little boy, equaled 3 children ages three and under in our tiny apartment. I was grateful for the opportunity to serve, and was more than willing to do this favor.

The kids were great – however much of a handful it was for me. The younger two did have a few screaming competitions – seeing which one could outdo the other, I gathered. It was during one of these moments – which included Kate belting out a Strawberry Shortcake tune – that the phone rang. “A restricted number,” I thought. But I answered it anyway, even though I don’t normally do so – even without 843 other distractions. It took several minutes for me to even hear the woman on the other end. But after several failed attempts, I finally gathered that she was from a local church, and that they were doing a fundraiser selling bibles. She asked for probably the eighth time if I wanted one. My distracted mind said – as I protected my kitchen from my child’s invasion – “I don’t have time for this.” However, my mouth screamed, in effort to be heard, “No, thank you. I have one already in my home.” She paused for a minute and I braced for her rebuttal and prepared myself to just hang up the phone. But all she did was comment on how very kind I was – and how grateful she was for it. I could tell from her voice that she wasn’t used to a warm response. The screaming ensued and I couldn’t hear what she said next – but I did make out her question, “Can I pray for you?” I laughed out loud at that – unsure of why she wanted to pray for me. Maybe she heard the panic in my frazzled voice or the protest and chaos currently taking over my living room. Whatever the reason, I really needed to hang up at that point, so I thanked her and said, “Yes… please do pray for me.” We both chuckled, bid each other a good day and hung up. I moved on with the tasks at hand without another thought.

It wasn’t until later that night, when I told Brian about my colorful day, that I realized I had missed my chance. My Heavenly Father had answered my prayer; however, I was still in the way. I sat there letting my dinner get cold as I thought of all the things I could have said. I thought of how I could have briefly explained to this unseen stranger what I believe and why its message brings so much joy to me. It infuriated me even more to think that I had lost my chance to speak to someone on the phone rather than face to face – something that would have been so much easier for me personally. Again, my Heavenly Father had answered my prayer completely – but I didn’t seize the opportunity.

I was still fuming when I went to bed. I prayed that night for help with my Enrichment calling, not to ease my troubled heart. I was still disgusted when I woke up this morning.

I have recently renewed contact with many school friends, and as I sat this morning returning emails and browsing through pictures – a thought struck me. Though none of these individuals are members of my faith, and I – of course – didn’t take opportunity after opportunity to have gospel discussions with them – they did know that I was LDS. And, through my example alone, they know what I believe, know what I stand for and respect my values. Time after time, they defended me – their more introverted friend – to all of their other friends who were not so accommodating. Often times taking the heat themselves for being friends with ‘such a person’ – a person like her. I had shared the light of Christ time and time again through my example and kind heart – if not through words. I am reminded of the statement by St. Fancis of Assisi: “Preach the gospel to all the world and, if necessary, use words.”

As I went throughout the day working on Enrichment things, I came across talk after talk regarding our examples to others. I was reminded that even though a person knows our gospel backwards and forwards, it doesn’t mean that they truly live it. I was reminded that we are judged by our deeds – and that those deeds of kindness are at the top of the list.

Once again, my Heavenly Father had answered my prayer – He helped me with my calling, and as a result, He healed my heart. So, I’ve learned yet again that my Heavenly Father lives and loves me. He not only hears my prayers, but is also aware of my life and the things I leave unsaid.

I thought back to that phone conversation. I remembered that woman’s disbelief, relief and joy at my kindness to her. Even though I did not share our doctrine with her – I believe that I shared its message… simply by setting a good example.

I hope that this dear sister got something out of our conversation – if only that chuckle at the end. I know that I was certainly blessed for it and relearned several lessons. I wonder if the Spirit prompted her to call me, knowing that she needed it. I wonder if the Spirit was with me – allowing myself to remain calm through the troubled storm that has been my life of late. Yes --- I’m pretty sure that’s why I answered the phone in the first place.

I don’t know if the ‘general public’ would call this a quote-end-quote missionary experience; however, I learned an awful lot about the true nature of missionary work this week. I remembered that people do not convert people. Missionaries do not convert people. Words do not convert people. The Spirit does. Sometimes we can be the bringers of change by simply using our examples for good and sharing that spirit that is inside each of us.